you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
