Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She's the barista slut.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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