dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
