did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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he fucked my hip out of place.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
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If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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