You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
