If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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