People in love make me want to vomit
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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