Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i barfeds in our rink
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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