Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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