I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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