the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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