ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
