I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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