so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
