dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
