I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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