I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
