Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
