I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize