Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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