She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
