Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
