HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
