Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
