I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
