so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
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Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
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On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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