I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
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He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
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Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize