you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
