Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
