I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
