Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
