You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
