When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
