is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
