I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
