apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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