God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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