oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
