The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Small penises have feelings too.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
