dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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