My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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