Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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