I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
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Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
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I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
there is glitter all over my balls
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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