dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
