We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
