First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
