Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
