i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
