He passed out mid-signature
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
When did angry sex become our thing?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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