i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
