and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
