Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
