bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
