it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
