I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pray to the hookup gods
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize