i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize