take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
