I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
